Seven Tips to Thrive on Socials

I found myself surprised by how much I loved social media once I finally got on board. I tried all the platforms, but eventually Instagram became my obvious love. I find it invigorating-the challenge of branding, marketing and sharing the messages I believe in. In addition, I genuinely love to meet new people and find it a digestible way to consume news.

Maybe it isn’t a mystery that I love social media, but it surprised me to find myself controlled by it. Just like everyone else, it didn’t take long before I realized social media could easily eat my life away, trigger negative thoughts, and make me actually feel lonelier than before I signed-on.  I began to really struggle when on social media, especially with my worth and value. 

Over the next decade I had to learn what consuming and enjoying social media in a healthy way looked like. When I felt like I was in bondage to social media, I wish someone had given me tips to thrive. Some of these practices have taken me a long time to learn, but they became my path to freedom. I hope that by sharing them today you will be able to avoid some pitfalls I’ve engaged in!

1. Be Ruthless

First, be ruthless against comparison. It is the thief of joy. I have many friends who struggle comparing their own life to the lifestyles represented in those squares. Others get stuck on the way people look, negatively feeding their body image. For me, I was always discouraged that I hadn’t become popular. I was driven by getting likes and shares.

Try as I would, I couldn’t knock it. Finally I realized I either needed to get off Instagram entirely, or I needed some major help. I began using 1 Peter 3 as a daily prayer mantra, proclaiming “By his divine power, God has given me everything I need to stop comparing myself on social media.” Overtime, I saw myself transform as I attacked any thoughts of comparison as soon as they popped up in my mind (you can read more of the story here). It paid off to be ruthless.

2. Celebrate

It was at the same time I also began implementing the next strategy to help me thrive on social media. Anytime I opened Instagram, I committed to celebrating others. For me, I choose to spend my energy encouraging other creators in my writers group. I would try to share someone else’s content daily, highlight people to follow monthly, and leave encouraging messages–without expecting anything in return. Surprisingly, I still find this hard! As if I only have so much praise and kindness to dish out, even though we have a never-ending supply! Now I try to live by the ancient proverb on social media, “Do to others and you'd have them to do you.” If you don’t want to start with your friends/followers, just choose a group or hashtag to commit to cheering on. 

3. Connect

No surprise, tip strategy #2 really helps foster real relationships. At some point it is good for us to question whether we can actually find, develop and grow real relationships on social media. Without a doubt I can affirm it’s possible! Some of the friendships that have started virtually have become my dear friends–even the first I talk to when I need support! Some of our relationships have moved offline, into real life. Others have become coaching clients, and others I’ve led non-profits with to make the world better.

But to do this, you actually have to interact with people online in a way where they don’t think you’re just trying to get something from them. Of course, this begins in our hearts! We actually must care for the people we interact with. So don’t just be a consumer. Be relational. Comment, DM, follow up with people and their problems. You can only develop real community online if you live out real community with the people you interact with.

4. Mentors

This one is invaluable and so easy to do with social media. Essentially, choose a few people to be learners from. We become like who we follow in real life, so why would that be any different on social media? In person, it can be difficult to find people you want to be like or admire. But on social media, you can find many wise people to model your life after. It is simple to be intentional about it!

I challenge you to choose three people to follow and interact with their content regularly. If you struggle with direction and purpose, follow a coach. If you're disentangling your faith, find a spiritual director or teacher who has done it well. Struggle with your mental health? Follow therapists! Care about a justice issue? Look for a leader in that field. Are you entering a new season? College? Motherhood? Career? Find virtual mentors that can guide you. It’s okay if they never become a real friend of yours–you can still grow a lot by modeling them.

5. Don’t Gamble

Often I will find myself sitting with someone in my home laughing over funny videos and memes we’ve found. One of the wonderful things about social media is its ability to entertain–why else would we spend countless hours a week on it?

The downside to this, though, is how it affects your brain. Social media acts as a drug. You get a hit of dopamine each time you find something juicy, funny or good. But, it’s pretty easy for it to become like an addiction, where each scroll is a gamble. We can easily scroll for an hour or two, and yet most of the time the content isn’t bringing us joy–we are just hoping for something good enough to light up that part of our brain.

So what do we do about it? First, I think being aware that we interact with social media like a gambler at the slots is a great first step. Then, I’ve found setting a twenty-minute limit for myself really helps. Recently I interviewed a social media expert about using social media to make a difference, and she said you can set up some apps to kick you off after a certain amount of time! Maybe some of us need to be ruthless here, as well!

6. Breaks

Going with the above strategy, I am sure you knew this one was coming. Take breaks. There is so much information and all the opinions on social media. The problem with ingesting a lot is that we must then digest it, sort through, and figure out what we think about. Processing takes brain power! Without creating space, mental health suffers, we can’t truly rest, and we find ourselves headed towards burnout. 

This is especially important when big things are happening in the world. For example, in the past few weeks there have been multiple shootings around the United States that everyone is talking about. During times like these, when our emotions are triggered by what we hear on social media, it's usually time to cocoon–a type of healthy escape that both everyday folk and justice advocates alike need to stay well and get perspective. 

In addition to my rule of thumb, “When content makes you crazy, take a break!” have annual or monthly breaks that you put on your calendar. I also challenge you to take weekly breaks, keeping your apps closed for at least 24 hours. I am serious–I still fight doing this, but once I start, I often don’t get back on for another couple days, realizing I needed to get away from the noise and be present in person. You'll be surprised how healthy you feel after.

7. Purpose

One thing I love to do as a coach is help people clarify their purpose and message. A simple way to get there is asking yourself what you’d hope others will say about you at the end of your life. When you’re old and gray, what will you be proud of in regards to social media? 

I guarantee, you’ll be glad if you have a purpose on social media beyond yourself and your own needs. Don't make it just about you–we are all always so much more satisfied in life when we don’t live for just our own desires. 

Would your family and friends love to see your updates? Be there for that. If you're there to feel connected, encourage others and ask questions. Do you have a passion to share? A message to speak? A cause to advocate for? A mission or business to promote? Bottom line–use social media not just for yourself, but to bless others. Be intentional about it. 

Beyond Success

These seven secrets to thriving on social media will definitely help you be more successful in life. But I care a lot more about your success–I believe following these will empower you to be more fully alive as you make the difference you were born to make.