Sometimes Holding on is More Hurtful Than Letting Go
Relationships can be very complicated things, especially with cancel culture and faith convictions existing together in many of us. I am an all in and very, very stubborn person: once I hit a certain point in a relationship, I am very passionate about keeping the friendship alive and making sure the person knows how valued and cherished they are. I don't end friendships very easily, if at all, because I entangle myself so much in all my friends' lives and care deeply about them.
A few years ago, I had a relationship severed by bad communication and emotional manipulation. A hard lesson that I learned through this experience is the difference between not giving up on a person, encouraging them no matter what, loving them even when it hurts us, not getting anything in return, AND using our God given wisdom to recognize when we are not helping them anymore but hindering their ability to get better, enabling them, if you will (I normally don't like that word and I'll explain why later.) As I considered this and looked to the Bible, it seemingly told me two contrasting solutions; loving the person as Christ loved me and to put myself first to stop the person from hurting my heart and spewing negativity into my life
"Jesus calls us to love even when it hurts. He calls us to treat others how we want to be treated. He loved you and treated you with respect when you were the least respectable thing" was constantly rolling around in my brain. I earlier noted that I dislike the word enable, I feel like a lot of times it is a word used by Christians to take the easy way out from helping someone who seems like a lost cause and I know with Jesus, NO ONE is a lost cause, no matter what.
But I wasn't finding freedom or progress in the relationship. I didn't feel like I was helping but like I was trapped. It got to a point where I had to take a step back and evaluate. Was I helping or hindering? Was I focused on the relationship as a way to point the person to Christ or for my own selfish reasons? Was I "guarding [my] heart" in the way I should (Proverbs 4:23)?
I want to speak light and truth in my life and if I let the opposite of that into my heart, negatively affecting me, then I am not doing so. I want to be wise in how I invest my time and emotions. I ended up distancing myself from the person and have healed. I have realized that I am no less a Christian by stepping back but rather I am actually doing both of us a favor by appointing Christ as the center of the relationship, which is where He should have been from the beginning. Learning that sometimes holding on is more hurtful than letting go was a difficult lesson to learn but necessary for both my personal boundaries and peace.
